Editor’s Note: As Amy neared the birth of her second child, she offered to share her experiences as she tries to figure out a birth plan, questioning her first delivery experience and the impact that would have on her second birth. This article is divided into two parts: one written 3 months before her second son was born, and one written 5 months after.

Part I: Pre-Delivery
April 2010

As I approach the birth of my second child, I realize I am more confused now than I was while planning the birth of my son 5 years ago. Labor and childbirth follow a fairly routine process that women have been going through since the beginning of time. However, a family seems to have as many choices and decisions to make regarding their birth experience as visiting a local Starbucks to order a coffee—it may sound simple, but the options are endless and often confusing.

When Jack was born in 2004, for some reason I didn’t do any reading other than the standard booklet that the Calgary Health Region passes out and What to Expect When You’re Expecting. I am due with my second child in July of 2010 and have really taken advantage of my local library and read several different books about childbirth. I thought this would make me more confident in what I wanted this time around. Instead, not only do I doubt what I want this time, but have concerns about what happened during Jack’s birth.

The first book that I spent time with was Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I was anxious to hear her opinions since she is considered one of the experts in natural childbirth. I found this book just okay. While I did enjoy many of the birth stories that women shared about their birth experience on Ina May’s farm, what I did not care for was the criticism of doctors in the rest of the book. I completely lost interest when I began reading the chapter on “Orgasmic Birth.” Apparently, some women have experienced this, and volunteered to have their pictures taken for the book in the mist of said orgasm. I followed this book with a handful of others and noticed a similar format—they all seemed to begin with something a doctor would do, then explain why they thought it was wrong, even in regards to certain aspects of pre-natal care such as ultrasounds and/or blood work.

I may not have agreed completely with what I was reading; however, it did give me doubts as to what actually happened when I gave birth in November of 2004 and a longing for the quiet and control that the mother-to-be seemed to have regarding her care in a home birth or birthing centre experience. Jack’s birth from start to finish was so fast that sometimes I still wonder what happened! My labor and birth took exactly 8 hours which is extremely short for a first birth, but it was quite traumatic and left a bad taste in my mouth even to this day. I was treated like livestock during my entire experience and felt no one listened to my concerns or had any regard for my feelings.

I was told that because Jack’s heart rate kept dropping, the cord must be around his neck which meant I had to get him out immediately. This required the assistance of a vacuum that was stuck to his head so the doctor could pull while I pushed—painful stuff since there was no time for medication. The post-partum unit treated me no better and I was up the entire night, crying periodically because this birth was nothing like I had hoped for, I was lonely, and I felt like my presence was a huge inconvenience for the nurses. Everything went wrong including my husband fainting as my son was born . . . we laugh now and know the goal was having a healthy child, but at the time it just added more drama to a already crazy situation.

I did have a birth plan when I had Jack, but I don’t think it actually made it out of my backpack that day. In fact, I don’t think my bag even got opened until after he was born. I am terrified that if I make one again, I will be getting myself ready for disappointment. After reading these birthing books, I am also confused as to whether all the hysteria in the delivery room that day was necessary.

I don’t think I want to go the home birth route because I do like the idea of lifesaving measures being close-by.  However, I really don’t know who or what I should believe anymore. I am 6 months along right now and have decided to put away all the pregnancy books for awhile because I really don’t need the stress. In the end I think I will make a list of some things I would like to happen this time around and just hope that I have the courage to stand up for what I want. Until the time comes when I want to look at this in more depth, I will go to my local Starbucks and order myself a drink that requires 4 different decisions that can’t be overturned by the barista.

Part II: Post-Delivery
December 2010

Wow…I read that now and feel so sorry for that woman who was so scared and confused.

Unfortunately, more was to go wrong before my due date came that really caused me to lose confidence in medical professionals and created much more stress. Now that my son is almost 5 months old I really don’t feel the need to re-visit the last trimester of my pregnancy. I will only say that every doctor appointment that I had during my last few months were full of needless drama. During each visit, I was threatened with a new possibility of something wrong with the pregnancy and “more tests” were always needed. Gestational diabetes, breech presentation, and low amniotic fluid to name a few were brought to my attention. Each one involved extra tests that I really believe were done for the sole purpose of covering the doctor’s butt, but I am not at all bitter . . . well, maybe I am a little.

I wrote the original article about 6 months ago and remember how upset I was while I was writing. If only I could have seen into the future! I would have told myself that everything was going to be okay and that I was really going to have the positive birth experience this time that seemed to be only a pipe dream back then.

I won’t go into every detail of the birth, but I will share the highlights of the arrival of my second son. To start…it was amazing. It was almost everything I had dreamed regarding how a birth should go. Greg was a week late, so I was pretty cranky, but had decided to put all the bad experiences of my last birth (and of my last few doctor appointments) behind me and focus on the present. What a great decision this turned out to be!

I had a couple of false alarms before Greg made his late arrival, but when the morning came, I went to the hospital with a clean slate and  a happy mind, and just let things happen. I had the best nurse who listened to me and completely respected my wishes for a calm, quiet delivery room and minimal “assistance” during my labor. I believe there were 30-minute periods in which there was no talking. She just listened to my breathing and used a fetal heart monitor to check the baby’s heartbeat after every two or three contractions. I even remember smiling a few times at my husband because I didn’t feel like talking and I was so happy with how calm everyone was and how naturally everything was progressing. I hadn’t wanted an epidural, but decided to have a couple of “hits” of narcotics during the early parts of my labor. It didn’t take away the pain, but it did help me relax my body to make the contractions a bit less intense. When the time came to push, it was all natural and it hurt a lot, but the pain was only temporary. There was some crying (and yes, begging and screaming for it all to stop), but I believe that is normal when you have the sensation of a bowling ball traveling down your uterus.

I really couldn’t have asked for a better birth experience and 5 months later, it still brings tears of happiness to my eyes. My little Gregory arrived safe and sound, plus my husband didn’t faint—bonus! I remember thanking my nurse for her wonderful care and understanding of my birth plan which asked for things to be as natural as possible. She replied that she had really enjoyed it, too, and I that I made her job very easy that day. It’s funny, after the traumatic birth of my first son I never thought I would put myself in that situation again, but after the awesomeness that was Greg’s birth I couldn’t imagine not having a third child . . . perhaps some of those narcotics are still running through my system yet!

Amy Matthews is a stay-at-home mom to two boys, Jack (age 6) and Greg (4 months). She resides in Calgary, AB and when she is not busy with her kids she loves to read, fence, bike and run.

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